By Niranjan Pathak
So, You’ve Decided to Write Your First Set
Congratulations, Bruv! You’ve decided to step into a world where your confidence will die before your punchlines do. Writing your first 5-minute comedy set is like trying to juggle while blindfolded on a unicycle. Exciting, terrifying, and sometimes messy.
When I started, I thought writing jokes would be easy. After all, I’d been funny at parties, weddings, and on WhatsApp. How hard could it be? Then I sat down to write and realized… my life was not as funny as I thought. It was just sad with good timing.
But that’s exactly where real comedy starts — with truth, pain, and the ability to laugh at both.
Step 1: Don’t Think of Jokes, Think of Stories
Most beginners make the same mistake. They start writing jokes. Big mistake.
Your first goal is not to write jokes, it’s to find your stories. Jokes are born from stories.
Think about this: the funniest people aren’t just telling jokes, they’re sharing moments. When you tell a story, people listen. When you throw random jokes, people zone out.
I always start with one simple question: “What happened recently that made me feel something?”
Maybe you got stuck in traffic. Maybe your mom roasted you in front of guests. Maybe your crush ignored your text for 7 hours and then said “sorry, battery dead.”
These small things are gold. They’re relatable, real, and filled with emotion.
Write down 5 to 10 small moments from your life that made you angry, awkward, embarrassed, proud, or confused. Those emotions will guide your jokes later.
Step 2: Pick One Topic That Feels Personal
For your first 5 minutes, don’t try to cover everything from politics to aliens to your gym trainer’s weird biceps.
Pick one topic. Something that’s true to you.
For example:
- My parents don’t understand stand-up
- Growing up in a small town
- Dating apps and rejections
- My weird job
- Indian relatives and their emotional blackmail tactics
When I started, I picked “My mom vs My comedy career.” Because that’s my reality. She still thinks I’m just talking to strangers for free.
You don’t need a unique topic. You just need your unique take on it. Everyone has parents. But only you have your parents.
Step 3: Brain Dump Like a Maniac
Once you have your topic, write everything you can think of about it. No filters. No editing. No “is this funny?” thoughts. Just vomit your brain onto paper.
For example, my brain dump for “My mom vs comedy” looked like this:
- Mom thinks comedy is a hobby.
- She keeps asking “Beta, kab sudhrega?”
- Once she attended my show and said, “Why do you shout so much? Can’t you do comedy nicely?”
- I told her I get paid. She said, “Kitna?” I said, “500.” She said, “Beta, paisa kam mila ya izzat kam hui?”
None of this was structured yet, but the raw material was there.
Your brain dump is your gold mine. You’ll polish it later, but for now, let it flow freely. Even if it’s messy. Especially if it’s messy.
Step 4: Find the Funny Angle
Now comes the detective work. You’ve got stories, but where’s the laugh?
The laugh usually lives in contrast or surprise.
Think about it. Jokes are basically mini shocks. You lead people one way, then twist it.
For example:
- “My mom said follow your passion. I did. Now she wants me to follow a stable job instead.”
See the setup and twist? That’s comedy rhythm.
Look at your stories and ask:
- What’s weird about this?
- What’s different from what people expect?
- What’s my honest reaction to it?
When I wrote about my mom watching my show, I realized the funny part wasn’t her being there, it was her feedback. “Beta, tu comedy karta hai ya logon pe chillaata hai?” That’s the punchline.
Step 5: Structure Your Set (The Comedy Recipe)
A 5-minute comedy set isn’t random jokes. It’s like a mini story with beats.
Here’s a simple structure you can follow:
- Opening Joke – Start strong, get one quick laugh within 20 seconds.
Example: “My mom thinks stand-up is me shouting in English for money. She’s right.” - Introduction – Tell the audience who you are and your theme.
Example: “I come from a small town where dreams are illegal and marriage is mandatory.” - Story with Punches – Share your main story with mini jokes every 20-30 seconds.
- Callback or Twist – End with a reference to your opening or a final twist that connects everything.
Think of your set like a movie trailer. It’s short, sharp, and gives people a taste of your world.
Step 6: Write in Spoken Language, Not School English
Stand-up comedy is not literature. It’s conversation.
When you write, don’t sound like an essay. Sound like you’re talking to your friends.
Bad version:
“Relationships are complicated due to differing emotional expectations.”
Good version:
“Relationships are just two people pretending to like the same Netflix shows.”
Even better:
“Pehle love letters likhte the, ab ‘seen at 9:02 PM’ likha hota hai. Technology ne romance maar diya.”
Your voice matters. Don’t try to sound smart. Sound real.
Step 7: Edit Like a Ruthless Psycho
Once you’ve written your first draft, it’ll probably be 15 minutes long. You need to cut it down to 5.
How? By using the sacred rule of comedy: If it’s not funny, it’s gone.
Cut the fluff. Keep only the lines that move the story or get laughs.
Pro tip: record yourself performing it alone. Listen to it. Wherever you get bored, the audience will too. Cut that part.
When I cut my first set from 12 minutes to 5, I cried a little. But the next performance killed. Less is more.
Step 8: Add Punchlines Every 20-30 Seconds
Comedy is like music. It needs rhythm.
If you go more than 30 seconds without a laugh, the audience starts doubting you.
Add small jokes, tags, and reactions after big punchlines.
Example:
“Mom said, ‘Get a government job.’ I said, ‘I’m doing stand-up.’ She said, ‘Then at least stand up at a government office.’”
Then tag it with:
“She thinks laughter is fine, but pension is funnier.”
Small lines like that keep the energy alive.
Step 9: Try It Out Loud Before an Audience
Reading your set silently in your room doesn’t count. You have to hear how it sounds out loud.
When you perform, you’ll realize some jokes don’t land, some are too long, and some get unexpected laughs.
Your job is to notice, adjust, and rewrite. Every performance is an editing session in disguise.
My first time, I thought my best joke would kill. It didn’t. But a throwaway line about my shirt got huge laughs. That’s when I realized audiences decide what’s funny, not your ego.
Step 10: Rehearse Like You’re in Bollywood
Before you perform publicly, rehearse your set like an actor. Stand in front of a mirror or record a video. Practice your expressions, pauses, and movements.
Comedy is not just words, it’s performance. The way you look, move, and pause can double your laughs.
A small pause before the punchline builds tension. A confident smile after a joke builds connection.
Pro tip: Perform for your friends or even for your bathroom mirror. If the mirror laughs, you’re hallucinating, but at least you’re confident.
Step 11: Accept That It Will Never Be Perfect
Your first 5-minute set will never be perfect. And that’s okay.
Comedy is a living thing. It evolves. You’ll perform the same joke 10 times and it’ll sound new every time. That’s the fun part.
The goal is not perfection, it’s progress. You’ll keep rewriting, improving, and one day, your first 5 minutes will become your tightest weapon.
Example Breakdown: My First 5-Minute Set
Let me show you how my first set looked. It was about Indian parents and comedy.
Opening Joke:
“My mom thinks stand-up comedy is just me embarrassing the family for likes.”
Story Start:
“I told her I’m a comedian. She said, ‘Toh circus mein?’”
Middle:
“She once came to my show. Afterward she said, ‘Why do you talk about me so much? Talk about your father also. He’s useless too.’”
Tag:
“Now my dad wants a Netflix special. Title: ‘Sponsored by Regret.’”
Callback Ending:
“I asked mom if she’s proud. She said, ‘Yes, but don’t tell anyone.’”
Simple. Personal. Relatable. Real. That’s the formula.
Bonus Tip: Always End Strong
Your ending should feel like a mic drop.
You can do that by either:
- Calling back to your first joke.
- Delivering a shocking twist.
- Saying something honest but funny.
Example:
“I started stand-up because I wanted to make people laugh. Now I just want to make my parents believe it’s a career.”
Audiences remember how you finish, not how you start. End with confidence.
FAQs
Q1. Can I write jokes about anything?
Yes, but make sure it’s your experience or your perspective. Don’t steal or copy others. Originality is comedy’s soul.
Q2. How long does it take to write a 5-minute set?
Usually 1 to 3 weeks. But writing is the easy part. Testing and improving take months.
Q3. How do I know if something is funny?
Perform it. Only the audience decides what’s funny.
Q4. Should I include Hindi or English jokes?
Whatever feels natural. I mix both. The language doesn’t matter. The honesty does.
Q5. Can I reuse jokes later?
Absolutely. Your best 5 minutes can grow into your 15, your 30, and eventually your Netflix special.
Final Thoughts: Write, Fail, Rewrite, Repeat
Writing your first 5-minute comedy set isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being brave enough to start.
You’ll sit with a blank page, feel stupid, write nonsense, then find something golden in between. That’s the magic.
Every comedian you admire started exactly like you. Nervous. Clueless. Overconfident. And addicted to the idea of making strangers laugh.
So grab your notebook, pick your story, and start writing. Don’t worry about being funny. Just be real. The funny will find you.
And when it does, I’ll be in the audience, clapping awkwardly and saying, “That guy stole my joke style.”
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